HOW TO GET RID OF YOUR PASTOR

I actually wrote most of this PIECE a couple of years ago, and then I discovered that a church in the area actually was in the process of attempting what I describe in the first paragraph below. I decided that the timing might not be the best to publish this in the local newspaper, so I put it on hold. Now, with no local churches working at ousting their leader -- to my knowledge at least -- I've pulled this piece our of mothballs. Since it was in the paper a week ago, a lot of people have commented to me how much they enjoyed it. Hope you do too!

Some time back, I heard about a church that had been trying to “get rid” of their pastor. Sadly, this is something that happens a lot in the American church scene. We get unhappy with the pastor or with something the church is doing; and then, instead of doing the biblical thing and prayerfully seeking to work out the differences, we choose up sides. Then, if there are enough votes to dismiss or to make things uncomfortable, out the pastor goes.

It’s tragic, not only because of what it does to that pastor, but because of the broken relationships left behind and the slow-healing wounds caused when the congregation took sides, sides that often remain long after the pastor departs. Frankly, there are simpler ways. If you ever want to get rid of your pastor, instead of looking for votes, try one of these five ideas.

Idea #1 During the Sunday morning message, listen closely and take notes. Look your pastor straight in the eye, and occasionally nod your head and say, "Amen!" Begin to make serious efforts to apply the life lessons you learn from the sermons. In six months, he'll preach himself to death.

Idea #2 Pat your pastor on the back and brag on his good points two or three times a month. Make a bunch of phone calls to your friends and neighbors and tell them all the good things about your pastor. In a little while, so many more people will start coming to your church, you’ll have to hire an associate pastor, and your senior pastor will be free to leave.

Idea #3 Next Sunday, in response to the sermon, go forward to the altar and rededicate your life to Christ. Then make an appointment with the pastor sometime next week. Ask him to give you some job you could do for the church, preferably some lost people you could go visit with a view to winning them to Christ. He'll likely die of heart failure on the spot.

Idea #4 Organize a ministry to call on the shut-ins and elderly members of the church, and encourage the pastor to devote more of his time to prayer and the study of God’s Word. Tell him you’ll take care of the widows if he’ll take care of the preaching. He’ll think the whole congregation has gone completely crazy and start looking for another church immediately.

Idea #5 Get a whole bunch of the church members to unite in earnest intercessory prayer for the pastor, his ministry and his family. Organize prayer meetings in which you pray for the growth of the church and blessing of the pastor. The pastor may become so effective in ministry that some larger church will take him off your hands.

One note of caution, however: if you try one of these methods, you may find that you don’t want to get rid of your pastor after all.