WHAT WE DESERVE

“I only want what I deserve in this relationship!” he growled as he turned and walked out of my office.

I cringed.

“Deserve.” What a deadly word.

Little-by-little, that attitude was crushing the life out of their marriage.

Sadly, like far too many relationships, this marriage had turned into a score-keeping contest. Every offense he committed against her was accurately tallied by her and indelibly inscribed in her memory. Every “nice thing” he did for her was remembered by him to see whether she would respond in kind or not.

Nothing was ever forgotten. They both kept very precise scorecards.

And, of course, they both insisted they wanted only what they deserved.

The encounter drew me back in memory to that night of trial when, all too early, my wife went into labor with twins. Having already endured two miscarriages, we were afraid and uncertain as we headed for the hospital, hoping and praying. As I counted the twenty-something miles to the hospital, Deb counted the minutes between contractions; and I cried out to God in my spirit, “Okay, Lord, how much is enough? After all, we’ve dedicated our lives to Your Kingdom. Doesn’t that mean anything to You? Don’t we deserve better than this?”

Nothing.

Nothing except that single word, “deserve,” thrown back into my breaking heart by the piercing sovereign silence of Him Who had already spoken so many times.

Like the tolling of a huge bell it sounded in my mind.

Deserve.

When all is said and done – or so the silence seemed to say – what indeed DO you deserve? In view of the fact that even your righteous deeds are like filthy rags before Him? Remembering that in you, that is in your flesh, dwells no good thing?

Suffering and pain, no doubt, if the truth were told. Let’s not kid ourselves. We know, all too well, the cherished jealousies and petty hatreds of our secret selves, the untold sin we try to hide even from our own consciences. What do we deserve? Ruin, anguish and fear, in this life, to be sure. And after that, worse forever, unspeakably worse.

That’s the gloomy ride for which keeping score buys you a fist full of tickets, all purchased and paid for by your own desire to “deserve” it.

But God has a better plan.

It’s called grace.

God’s riches at Christ’s expense.

It means not only do you NOT get what you deserve – and that would be enough! – but, moreover, that you DO get what you DON’T deserve. In fact, you get what Jesus deserves, because He took what you deserved.

It’s an amazing transaction to which God calls us! What an astonishing offer! We let go of our deserved desperation, and received an eternally undeserved mercy!

Now, in view of the immensity of God’s grace, how dare we cry out for what we deserve, as if God were beholden to our sorry sense of justice?

You think about that, next time you’re tempted to demand what you deserve.